I feel great
I just peed on a car
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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