I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
