Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
two words: eviction party
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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