the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
