Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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