My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
