Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
