I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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