Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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