I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
