mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
