Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
where are you?
Hypothermia
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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