Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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