I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
