Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
