bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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