I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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