And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
