Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
