So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
