If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
