I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
