OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
