Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
