i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
