I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
