Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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