Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
