Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
