I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i barfeds in our rink
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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