tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
