I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
