We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
