Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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