i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
