fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
