i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
