I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
