Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
