They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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