but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
