The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
