I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
