okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
