if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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