i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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