theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
