sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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