we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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