how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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