If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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