I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
