I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
