Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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